I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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