I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
