im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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