So drunk its hurt
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
we're so committed to being not committed
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
