How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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