i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
