god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
