I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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