yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
