Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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