I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
