look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
