I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
