Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Randomize
