Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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