I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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