Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
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