shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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