Christians are straight up FREAKS
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
