After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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