absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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