theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
