LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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