Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
