The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
