Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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