What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
