these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
