I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
not ubering you a puppy
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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