I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
