I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
