i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
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