so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
