I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
