I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
