i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
