girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
