Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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