I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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