Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
