i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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