Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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