So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
