I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
