whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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