I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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