True but thats because hes a fetus.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
