I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Semen is not good for contacts.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
