I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
