And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
