I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
