I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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