yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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