all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
