I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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