I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
