It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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