So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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