I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
