Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
