The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
farters have to be the big spoon...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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