That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
