I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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