You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
