Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
