Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
