marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
