The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
