yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
